


The World is Ugly (But You're Beautiful to Me)

by Weasleywasborninabin



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Destiel - Freeform, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-23
Updated: 2013-10-23
Packaged: 2017-12-30 01:40:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1012508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weasleywasborninabin/pseuds/Weasleywasborninabin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean begins to worry when, after three weeks, Cas has still not arrived at the bunker.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The World is Ugly (But You're Beautiful to Me)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [starsandgutters](https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsandgutters/gifts).



> Oh I finally got this finished...  
> I've written this story for the lovely Ambra (starsandgutters) because she's awesome and wrote a fab story for me (Sorry if it sucks, m'lovely :/)

**_"Think he can handle a road trip like that?"_ **

" ** _Cas is a big boy, things go Breaking Bad he knows our number. Right now I've got bigger things to worry about."_ **

\---

It had been over three weeks since the _incident at_ the hospital. Three weeks and one day, to be precise, and there was still no sign of Castiel.   
After what happened with the angels Dean had rushed back to the bunker claiming he needed to check on Kevin rather than admitting to the fact that he wanted to make sure he was there for his fallen angel's arrival. But that day was still yet to come.

Dean had been okay for the first week; he _had_ had an awful lot of distractions. There had been the whole thing with Abaddon to keep his mind off of Cas after all, but since the interruption of their fight by Ezekiel, Abaddon had yet to make another appearance as far a the Winchesters could tell (much to Dean's relief - and suspicion - and to Sam's intense confusion). The boys had been out on another few cases (including following up Crowley's Demons' names, and ganking a few angry angels) but apart from that there seemed to be a strange lack of anything supernatural going on. Dean spent most of his spare time sulking about the bunker under the pretense of researching Knights of Hell, and jumping every time his phone rang or slightest noise came from outside.

At the beginning of the second week Dean had convinced himself that Cas _would_ turn up soon. He decided it would be best if, when the angel eventually arrived, he had a room of his own, as he would have to sleep and wash just like everyone else now. Dean found a room empty of anything useful just up the corridor from his own and cleaned the whole thing from top to bottom. He found a bed and cleaned that up as best he could, then, after dragging it from halfway across the bunker, he found he couldn't fit it through the door to Cas' room (he later managed to get it through with Kevin's help, but only after he'd thrown a massive tantrum about it). Dean also found a big old cupboard (for Cas to hang his trench coat in) and a chest of drawers into which he put a few items of his own clothing, in case Cas was in need of clean clothes once he got there.

By the end of the second week Dean was a lot less confident that Cas would be arriving soon. In fact it was obvious to both Sam and Kevin that, no matter how much he was trying to hide it with comments about how he had 'more important things to be worrying about', Dean was growing more and more anxious every day.  
  
He had been out a few times, on a couple of low key cases while Kevin and Sam continued to research Knights of Hell ( _nerds_ ) and a few times he had even ventured in to the surrounding towns specifically in search of Cas, but his search had so far been unproductive as he either found nothing or bumped into angry angels also searching for his friend, and all too happy to use Dean as their own personal punch bag until he gave them information about him. Luckily most of them had been injured in the fall and weren't too difficult to gank or banish, but Dean was getting pretty tired of having to deal with them.

As the beginning of the third week rolled round and Castiel still hadn't arrived Dean was spending most of his time confined to his room, unless there was a case or they were in need of supplies. Sam and Kevin were beginning to really worry about Dean, and Sam kept trying to reassure him by saying things like "I'm sure he's just lost" and "you said it yourself Dean, Cas can look after himself", but while comments like that had helped relax Dean in the first week, by now they were just putting him even more on edge.

 

\---

 

Dean was heading out one day - Wednesday? - to get some supplies when he opened his bedroom door to find Kevin Tran, Prophet of the Lord, standing right in his way.

"Can I come in?" Kevin asked quickly, before Dean could tell him to go away.

"No." said Dean quickly. "I'm pretty busy with... uh, research actually so, if you don't mind-" he tried to shut the door but Kevin blocked it with his foot.

"I know how you must be feeling." The young prophet told him.

"Oh really." Dean replied sarcastically, fighting back the urge to shove Kevin out of his way, and hoping the kid would just go away soon enough.

"Yes. What you said the other day, about me, Sam and Castiel being your family...? Dean, I know how you're feeling. I've lost my family, remember? You say you're fine but with Castiel missing - and it's not like before when he was missing, he's mortal now - I know you're worried Dean. You're trying to cover it up but I can see it, Sam can too."

If Kevin was trying to comfort him, Dean thought he had a funny way of going about it, "Kevin, I don't wanna talk about this."

Kevin stepped back a little and looked at Dean sadly, "C'mon Dean, I know you feel like you have to be strong or something but it's okay to show us you're worried about Castiel. Wouldn't you feel better if you told me or Sam how you're feeling? You don't have to pretend like it's not a big deal; I know how close you and Castiel are."

"Kevin! I _don't_ want to talk about this!" Dean growled, slamming the door in his face. The supplies could wait until tomorrow.

-

"Well it sounded like that went well," Sam said when Kevin stalked angrily into the kitchen, "I told you not to bother. He'll never admit to being worried about Cas, that's just what he's like. The only thing we can do to help is reassure him Cas'll be fine. Which he will... Er, I hope." Sam didn't sound as sure as he seemed to want to put across, but Kevin had had enough of the brothers' amazing ability to deny things which were plainly obvious to everyone else for one day.

"Whatever. If I'm needed I'll be in my room, okay?" He mumbled, grabbing his book off his table and stomping out the kitchen.

 

\---

 

Late on Thursday afternoon Dean decided he would brave the angel-infested outside and grab some supplies from the shop in a nearby town. He snuck out of his room, making sure he didn't run into Kevin or Sam, 'cause he just knew they'd just be annoying and sympathetic, despite the fact that Dean was _perfectly fine thanks very much_ , and left them a note saying he had gone out for supplies and to call if they needed anything.  
  
When he got to the store he headed straight for the pie, 'cause hell, if that wasn't the most important supply Dean didn't know what was. He spent a while browsing the aisles, not eager to return to the bunker and have Sam and Kevin tell him how 'okay' everything was going to be _yet again_. He grabbed some beer and burgers to cook for dinner along with some salad ( _gross_ ) for Sam, and once he was absolutely sure he couldn't put off leaving any longer, Dean headed to the checkouts.

As he wheeled his trolley round the corner of the last aisle Dean was greeted with a sight that made him freeze mid-step; Castiel was standing awkwardly by the till, talking to the elderly cashier behind it. He was covered in bruises and cuts, with bags under his eyes that made it look like he hadn't slept in days. His usual trench coat and suit were missing and he was dressed instead in a baggy, dark blue hoodie, faded jeans and a grey t-shirt, but it was unmistakeably Cas.  
  
Dean felt a wave of different emotions wash over him; shock, happiness, relief - and something else he couldn't quite put his finger on - then anger. _If Cas was okay, why hadn't he called him?_  
  
"...An old abandoned bunker." Cas was saying in his deep, raspy voice,"Do you know it? I know the route I would take if I were to fly there, but unfortunately that is not an option anymore, and it seems to be a lot more difficult by foot... To be honest, everything seems to be a lot more difficult since I lost my Grace." Dean blinked a few times to check what he was seeing was actually real (he'd already had more than one experience of thinking he'd seen Cas when he wasn't really there, or mistaking someone else for the fallen angel). 

The old lady behind the counter smiled at Castiel (yep, definitely real) sympathetically, "Loss of a loved one is hard on everyone," She replied sadly, misunderstanding the angel's strange comment, "I'm afraid I don't know this bunker, my love, but if you need to-"  
  
"Cas?" Dean interrupted, finally finding his voice. He had intended to sound his usual confident self but the name had come out as more of a broken whisper.  
  
Castiel turned towards the direction of the voice "Dean," he said calmly, smiling widely at the younger man, "I was just looking for you."  
  
Dean could have cried at how nonchalant Castiel sounded about the situation, like it hadn't been nearly a month since the last time they had spoken, since Cas had been left helplessly human in a world full of angels who wanted his head.  
  
It was only then Dean admitted to himself just how worried he had been; he had never expected to see Castiel again.  
  
Suddenly Dean decided that they weren't in that desperate need of supplies, and if they were he could always come back later, the important thing now was getting Castiel to safety.  
  
"C'mon Cas, we're going." Dean said angrily, leaving the trolley in the middle of the store and heading outside towards the Impala. Castiel turned to the woman and thanked her for her help before happily following Dean outside and into the car.  
  
"Where the hell have you been, man?" Dean asked as soon as Cas had shut the door, "I've been so freakin' worried!"  
  
Castiel looked at Dean like he'd just said something completely absurd. "I've been trying to find you, Dean." he replied, as if it was obvious, "I thought it would be simple, but I have found being without my Grace... increasingly difficult. Before it was so easy to locate you, but now... I don't really understand maps, Dean." Cas said seriously, frowning at him.  
  
"Yeah well you're gonna have to start understanding them 'cause us mortals can't just pop around the place like Harry freakin' Potter" Dean snapped.  
  
Cas looked puzzled for a minute but shook it off, "It is good to see you, Dean." he smiled, touching his friend's shoulder. Dean just shrugged off Cas' hand and started up the Impala. Cas looked at Dean sadly but said nothing. It did occur to Dean that maybe Castiel didn't actually understand why he was mad at him, but Cas was just gonna have to deal with it, 'cause he was the cause of it.

Dean's anger built up more and more as he drove back to the bunker in silence, and by the time he had gotten inside and led Castiel to the room he had made up for him he was almost at bursting point. When Cas was in the room with him he shut the door quietly so as not to disturb Sam or Kevin, whatever the hell they were doing.

Cas looked like he was about to say something but Dean couldn't hold in his anger any longer, "What the hell have you been doing for the past three weeks?" Dean blurted out, and before Cas could even reply he continued. "Do you know how worried I've been, Cas? What I thought had happened to you? Jesus," he cried, throwing his arms in the air and beginning to pace back and forth, "What was I supposed to think when thousands of angels want you dead and you can't even take the time to make a frickin' phone call to let me know you're okay?" Dean's voice was getting louder as he released all the pent up emotions that he'd been refusing to let the his brother and Kevin see.

"I had no money, Dean." Cas interjected.

Dean stopped pacing but continued with his rant, ignoring Cas' comment, "What am I supposed to think when you say you'll come back here but you never do? Hell, Cas, it doesn't take more than a couple of days to get here from Longmont! I've been waiting here for _three weeks_ , three weeks, Cas, and you can't even call?!" He would have continued shouting for a lot longer if the angel hadn't have suddenly stepped into Dean's personal space and gently wrapped his arms around the other man.

Dean struggled for a second before he relaxed into Castiel's grip and slowly let the anger go. It was replaced instead by a wave of sadness he he been holding in for the past weeks. "You can't even understand what I've been going through." Dean mumbled into Cas' shoulder, "I thought... Cas, I thought-"

Cas released him but did not move away, just gazed intensely into his eyes, "I know, Dean." he replied quietly.

Dean continued anyway "I never expected to see you again, Cas." He murmured, gritting his teeth because he was _not_ gonna cry like a girl, goddamn it.

Cas said nothing, only held Dean close again and let him calm himself down, and when Dean regained his composure and pulled away from him, Cas told him quietly "I'm sorry, I did not know." 

"Yeah... Well, just don't do it again." Dean joked, but Cas could tell it was more of an attempt to clear the air than actual acceptance of his apology. Dean sat down on the bed and awkwardly fiddled with the sleeve of his shirt, the comfortable silence the two used to share was different somehow and after a few minutes Dean cleared his throat and got back up, "It's, er, getting pretty late," he muttered, "think I'm gonna hit the hay, Cas. This is your room by the way..."

Dean gestured round the room slightly and as he went to leave Cas touched his wrist lightly. Dean turned to look at him, confused. "I have not been able to sleep," Cas said simply, and then, "I find your presence comforting...?" he trailed off, not quite knowing how to phrase the question, but Dean knew what he meant.

"Oh," he said, smiling ever so slightly, "Okay, sure, Cas. Just let me get changed... It'd probably do me some good to have some company tonight as well."

Cas changed into the clothes Dean had left for him and lay down on the bed. He had not told Dean that the whole time he was without him he too was worrying that he would never see the other man again, and he had not told him that the reason he could not sleep was because he was knew what was out there, looking for him, and he did not know how to protect himself in this strange new skin, because Dean did not need to know this. He just needed to know that Cas was here for him if he needed him once more.

Cas knew it would take days, even weeks, for Dean to fully forgive him instead of just shrugging off his apologies with a joke or a smile, but it was no more than he deserved and he was willing to do anything to regain Dean's trust and prove to him that he was not going to leave him again. As Dean lay down next to him, wearing a faded AC/DC t-shirt and a sleepy smile, Cas felt safe for the first time since the fall.  
This was where he belonged. Dean was his family. He was finally home, and sleep had never come so easily.


End file.
